


Memories

by madbutterfly



Category: Being Human (UK), The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-24 11:39:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4918123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madbutterfly/pseuds/madbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soon enough Anders will no longer be a god - but following this, will Mitchell have any memory of him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Ty and Dawn made a video of themselves doing things together. She’s left a message to herself so she won’t forget him. Or at least, she’ll be reminded of him after she forgets him. That’s the plan, anyway.”

Mitchell sighed and cuddled harder against Anders on the sofa. “That’s a good idea. I hope it works.” He paused, rubbing a hand over Anders’ chest. “I wish I could appear on film.”

“I still say we shouldn’t worry yet,” Anders said, but his voice lacked its usual confidence. “You’re not mortal, after all.”

“I’m not a god either.”

Anders turned his face so he could nose gently at Mitchell’s curls. “Please don’t make me think about this. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want to lose you.”

“And there’s no way you can just… not do this?”

“You know that if I had a choice this wouldn’t be happening.”

Mitchell knew that. He just didn’t want to believe it.

Both went to bed shortly after, saying very little, both trying to pretend that it was a night like any other. If Anders felt Mitchell’s shakes as he fought to hold in tears, his only response was to tighten his hold.

* * *

After Anders had left to attend the Gahr the next day, Mitchell couldn’t seem to keep still. He was so worried his whole body felt shaky. After walking around Anders’ apartment for about twenty minutes with no idea what to do with himself, his eyes fell on the notepad sitting on the coffee table.

He frowned. Why hadn’t he thought of that sooner?

He hurried into his and Anders’ bedroom and rooted around in one of the cupboard drawers until he found a photo album, and in that a picture of Anders, then pulled it out of the album and walked back into the living room. Placing the photo on the coffee table at an angle where he could see it just by glancing up, he proceeded to pick up the notepad and a pen.

He may not be able to appear on camera, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t write. There was no way he could just sit around and wait to see if he forgot all about the man he loved. It might not work, but he had to try.

Flipping the notepad open, he took a deep breath, willed his hands to stop shaking, and started writing a letter to himself.

* * *

Mitchell had to remind himself to breathe every few minutes while he was writing. He wasn’t always sure what to put. He’d never had to describe the precise ways in which he loved Anders before - it was such an abstract concept, and he couldn’t expect just writing  _I love him I love him I love him and I can’t lose him I don’t even know what my life would be without him_  to make any difference if he  _did_  forget Anders.

After about an hour, he put the paper down and gnawed on the tip of his pen for a few moments. He didn’t know what else to write and he felt so jittery that his mind had gone blank anyway. He supposed it was a good thing that he still remembered Anders, but he wouldn’t be able to relax until Anders came home and his memories were confirmed to be intact. The ceremony might not even have ended yet, so there was still no guarantee that he’d get to keep his memories of Anders.

Aside from the worry, he felt so  _angry_ , too. He’d met Anders, someone whose blood he’d never thirsted for, someone who had managed to make his bloodlust  _overall_  fade off, someone he’d always enjoyed being around, someone who just  _got_  him, and… this could be the end of it.

And what about Anders? No matter how this went, most of the people he knew would have no idea who he was. Mitchell didn’t want to leave Anders with no one in the world who knew him apart from the other former gods and goddesses. Anders would handle it regardless, but Mitchell found that the idea still chafed.

He wanted to tear the curtains down, shove things off the tables, rip the furniture apart.

Instead all he did was growl and tug lightly at his own hair, trying to ignore the building frustration at how unfair this all was.

After a while, he started getting even more agitated, feeling claustrophobic and twitchy. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, so he simply left the apartment he shared with Anders (tucking the photo into his pocket and carrying the letter with him, just in case) and made his way to just outside the entrance.

Once there, he stopped. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t exactly go find Anders himself, and he wasn’t willing to just wander off when Anders was meant to arrive back soon. He wasn’t sure how long this ceremony was supposed to take, but he couldn’t imagine it could last  _too_  much longer.

Maybe it had already ended. Maybe it had ended and Anders was on his way back, fully human, and all their worrying had been for nothing. God, he hoped that was true, but thinking about it was no comfort when there was no evidence of it yet.

He hovered around outside, trying not to look suspicious (and inadvertently startling a few passers-by with the intensity of his frown), for a while longer. He wasn’t sure how much time passed - his brain was buzzing and his whole body was screaming at him to  _move_ , to do something, and he kept staring at the letter he’d written himself, rereading parts of it and trying to distract himself from the faint sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

And then he saw Anders’ car pull in a short distance down the road. For a moment he wasn’t even sure it was him, didn’t dare believe it - some part of him had already decided that the worst would happen and that he’d suddenly forget why he was out there and what he stood to lose today.

But then he saw him. It felt like time was slowing down, and he found that he was glad that the street was relatively empty, because he only just kept from breaking out in a run towards Anders - he knew that if anyone had got in his way he probably would have bulldozed them.

Anders had a tight, pinched expression on as he locked his car and turned around - but as he saw who was approaching him, that expression melted into one of dizzy relief. Mitchell barely saw it, grabbing Anders as soon as he was close enough and hugging him so tightly he wasn’t convinced he’d ever be able to let go.

Anders didn’t say a word, just hugged back and enjoyed the feeling of embracing the man he loved. The anxiety that had been stewing in the back of his mind for the past few days had dissolved as soon as he’d seen Mitchell coming his way, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so relieved in his life. Mitchell remembered him. Mitchell  _remembered_  him! Even though there were so many parts of his life that were going to be made much more difficult now, at least he wouldn’t have to face that alone. He still had Mitchell, and that made everything seem rather less daunting.

Eventually Mitchell’s hold loosened slightly and he pulled back just a little. He planted only a short kiss on Anders’ lips, very aware that they were still standing in the middle of the street, even if there weren’t that many people around. He could save the bulk of his affections for when they were back inside the house.

“God, Anders, I…” Mitchell trailed off. He was still holding the letter he’d written himself, crumpled now from being fiddled with and clenched in his fist when he’d hugged Anders. He stuffed it quickly into his pocket alongside the photo. “ _Anders_.” He rested their foreheads together gently, not wanting to part from him if he could help it.

After a few moments they pulled apart. “So.” Anders cleared his throat and looked up, meeting Mitchell’s eyes. “Memories all intact, I take it?”

“All intact,” Mitchell replied softly. All the emotions that had been raging inside him that day were quieting, leaving him feeling drained. He wondered if Anders was experiencing the same thing. “Now… would you mind coming inside and letting me just hold you for a while?”

“I’d like nothing more,” said Anders, sliding his hand into Mitchell’s and giving him a small, tired smile.

Mitchell gripped his hand in return (maybe just a little too tightly, but Anders didn’t complain) and they set off back to the home that was still  _theirs_.

To the life that was still theirs to spend together.


	2. Chapter 2

They headed back to their apartment in silence, though occasionally Mitchell would stop and press a kiss to Anders’ cheek or forehead, squeezing his hand and being more physically affectionate than he usually was.

“I feel kinda weird,” Mitchell murmured as they entered their flat.

“Weird?” Anders asked, his eyes shooting up. He didn’t seem concerned or even surprised, more… expectant?

Mitchell, however, barely noticed this, too preoccupied with the strange cramping feeling in his chest. He couldn’t recall ever feeling that before - as a vampire and, technically, already dead, he wasn’t usually affected by physical ailments out of the blue like this. Unsure of what to do about it, he coughed and rolled his shoulders a bit, which didn’t help at all.

“You feeling okay?” Anders rubbed a hand against the vampire’s arm, squeezing gently.

“Not… really,” Mitchell replied, gritting his teeth. “I don’t know how to describe it. I- ow,  _fuck_!” he exclaimed, one hand flying up and slamming flat over his heart. He put his other hand on the wall to steady himself. The sharp pain that had prompted that little outburst was gone as quickly as it had arrived, taking with it the strange cramping. “What the fuck?” Mitchell gasped, more to himself than Anders.

Anders remained quiet, watching him carefully. “John?”

Mitchell didn’t respond for a moment, his mouth open and a slight frown on his face. His hand was still lying over his heart, and for good reason. Something had changed. Through the thin fabric of his shirt, he could feel something he hadn’t in almost a hundred years. A steady thumping against his palm.

He slowly lifted his head to look at Anders. “M-my heart’s beating,” he said weakly. “Why the fuck has my heart started beating again?”

Anders licked his lips. “Okay, I know I should’ve discussed it with you first, but it didn’t actually occur to me until I arrived at the ceremony, so it was kind of spur of the moment.” He cut off there, looking slightly nervous.

“Discussed what?”

“Well… you always said that vampirism is a curse, and Axl was going to try to get Odin to keep Michele alive after Sjöfn left her, so I thought, while he was at it… maybe he could ask Odin to, you know. Make you human again. Maybe.” He looked vaguely guilty (although inside he was mainly relieved - part of him had worried that it wouldn’t happen, since Axl and Mitchell had never been particularly fond of each other, but it seemed that Axl had put that aside in this case).

Mitchell, for his part, just stared, hardly daring to breathe in case doing so woke him from the dream he must surely be having.

“I’m… human?” he asked, eyes wide and face disbelieving.

“So it would appear,” Anders replied, quirking a little smile. “You’re welcome?” He paused. “Now I’m realising that if you  _had_  forgotten me you’d have no idea what was going on and it’d all be very confusing for you, but… I mean, it all worked out pretty much fine, right?”

“I guess?” Mitchell said hesitantly, not knowing what to say. Was this what humanity felt like? He couldn’t remember. Something inside him felt different, though - like there had been a poison inside him and it had just been washed away. Like he’d been cleansed. “This is serious, isn’t it? I’m not a vampire anymore?” he said, trying to stop his voice from shaking and only halfway managing. This day had been rather stressful as it was, and he wasn’t sure how to handle this on top of everything else.

Anders was about to answer, but Mitchell’s eyebrows pulled down in a frown and he turned on his heel, heading to the bathroom. Anders paused before following, entering the bathroom to see Mitchell staring into the mirror, looking vaguely disconcerted. As soon as Anders came up behind him their eyes met in the mirror and Mitchell smiled.

“I just wanted to know for sure,” he explained. He ran both hands through his hair and turned around, shaking his head slowly. “I can’t believe you did this. I didn’t even think it was possible, and you’ve…” He trailed off and, after a couple more moments, broke out in a blinding smile. Anders thought it was kind of like staring into the sun. Before he could think any more, however, Mitchell had grabbed him by the shoulders and was pressing kisses all over his face. “Thank you thank you  _thank you_ ,” he murmured between kisses.

Anders laughed. “Get off, you big lump,” he snorted, though he didn’t actually make any attempt to get away from Mitchell’s affection (aside from turning his face a little as if shying away from him, although really it only made Mitchell focus his kisses on his cheek instead - Anders hadn’t expected any different).

“Never,” Mitchell laughed softly. “You know that this is it, yeah? You’re not getting rid of me now.”

“I suppose I can live with that,” Anders grumbled, though he couldn’t quite hide his smile. He stopped trying to hide it when Mitchell hugged him tightly - it didn’t matter how sappy it made him look, since it wasn’t like Mitchell could actually see it in this position.

He was distracted by a sound similar to crumpling paper coming from Mitchell’s jacket pocket. Hm?

“What’s that noise?” he asked, still holding onto Mitchell but now frowning a little, curious.

“Oh, right, that…”


	3. Chapter 3

Anders pulled back, watching Mitchell reach into his jacket pocket and pull out an extremely crumpled piece of paper and what looked like a photograph.

“What’re those?” he asked.

“Well,” Mitchell sniffed, trying to look nonchalant, “I thought… y’know, you said Ty and Dawn made that video of themselves, and we couldn’t do that - but I thought I could sort of write to myself? Write a letter saying who you are to me in case I did forget you.” He held the photo up. “And this is a picture of you as an extra reminder to myself. To go along with the letter. I mean, I didn’t really need them in the end. But it was a precaution.”

Anders smiled crookedly. “You know that I’m going to have to read that letter now.”

Mitchell frowned suddenly. That hadn’t actually occurred to him, but of course Anders would want to read it. He briefly contemplated eating the letter just to keep it out of Anders’ hands.

“You don’t want to do that,” he replied, completely failing to keep up his casual façade. “Not interesting. Just describing who you are and all that shit.”

“That’s very interesting! I want to know what you think of me,” said Anders, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I can tell you that myself, dickhead.” Mitchell held the letter behind his back. Wait - was he blushing? Fuck. That hadn’t happened since he’d been turned into a vampire, he’d completely forgotten that it would happen again now that he was human again. He certainly hadn’t missed it.

“You truly wound me. And I feel I should point out that you can’t really expect me to believe that’s what it says when you’re going to lengths to stop me from reading it.” Anders leaned against the doorframe. “I’m just curious.”

Mitchell squirmed. Short of flushing it down the toilet (if he even made it to the toilet in time - Anders was surprisingly quick on his feet when he wanted to be and might intercept him), there wasn’t really much he could do to stop Anders from reading the letter.

“Can you at least not read it while I’m around?” he muttered, the grumpiness in his tone mostly put on. “In another room, or - or when I’m at work or something?”

Mitchell was looking slightly pained now, and Anders felt a tiny prick of guilt for pushing the matter. However, that didn’t make his desire to read the letter lessen even slightly, so he didn’t back off.

“I can do that,” Anders said carefully. “Just - give it here and go wait in the living room or something, yeah? I’ll read it in the bedroom.”

Mitchell continued his squirming for a few more moments, before reluctantly handing the letter over to Anders, his eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling.

“Don’t take too long,” he said, his voice low and slightly embarrassed. He moved briskly past Anders, making his way to the living room. Once there, he sank down onto the sofa and covered his face with his hands despite being alone in the room.

He waited, heart in his throat, for Anders to join him.

* * *

Anders watched with vague amusement as Mitchell walked stiffly away from him. What could he possibly have written that would make him act like that?

Well, he supposed, he would find out now. He made his way to the bedroom and made himself comfortable on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Anders took a few moments just to bask in the relief of Mitchell remembering him, before smoothing out the letter and starting to read.

* * *

_~~Dear~~  I don’t know how much I’ll forget. Do you remember writing this? Well. Either way. John Mitchell, this is a letter to yourself, about Anders Johnson. You met him in 2012 and long story short, you’re in love with him. Whether you remember it or not. The picture with this letter is of him. Nice, right?_

_Anyway. Him and his family are Norse gods, or maybe just vessels for them, I don’t really understand it. Anders is ~~Braa~~  the god of poetry. He can make mortals do what he wants just by telling them what to do, but it doesn’t work on you because you’re a vampire. Thank fuck for that._

_Anyway, he’s not going to be a god after today and mortals forget who the gods are when they stop being gods… Anders can explain more about this if you ask him. We don’t know if this will happen because I’m not a mortal, so this is just in case it happens to me too. If you’re reading this, it must have done._

_It might be hard to imagine that gods are real, but he proved it by demonstrating his powers in front of me, so there’s no doubt there. And you didn’t think vampires were real either until 1917, and remember when Annie wrote about meeting that succubus? So gods are real, and it can’t be that hard to believe, all things considered._

_Anders isn’t like anyone you’ve been with before. He’s nothing like Josie or Carl or Annie at all, but that’s not a bad thing. Because he’s a god, there’s no bloodlust there. You’ve never once wanted to feed from him. Being around him has actually made the bloodlust towards other people fade away too. And he’s so much fun to be with! He talks back, and he’s so witty and fun to argue with, and doesn’t take things too seriously. And he easily keeps up with you when it comes to drinking, either because of a lot of practice or god powers._

_Life has been so different since you met him. The idea of forgetting all about him is so horrible, and I’m sure there will be a fucking huge void in my life if he’s not around._

_And the flat you live in is shared with him, so even if you can’t remember him, you can’t just not let him in. Maybe it’d be weird sharing a bed with him right away, but don’t kick him out of his own house._

_He’s changed everything and made you a better man. Maybe those changes will still be there if you forget him, but he’s the one responsible for them. The time we’ve had together hasn’t been nearly long enough. I’m in it for the long haul and I think he is too, and I can’t let what we have end here._

_Even if you can’t remember who he is, don’t let it end. Take the time to get to know him, fall in love with him again. It will happen, I don’t doubt it for a second._

_I don’t know what else to put. But I can’t stand the thought of not having Anders around._

_I love him, you love him, and this can’t end now. Don’t fucking let it. Please._

_~~oh god please don’t let me forget him please~~ _

* * *

Anders just smiled at the letter for a few moments, before folding it carefully and tucking it into the second drawer of their nightstand. He didn’t know if Mitchell would want to keep it, but he certainly did.

Sauntering back out into the living room, he smiled when he saw Mitchell glaring thunderously at nothing in particular. The glare vanished when he noticed Anders approaching, and he suddenly looked a bit like a scared puppy. Anders would never stop being at amazed that he could look so different so quickly. (He’d brought it up before, but Mitchell didn’t seem entirely aware of what his eyebrows could do to his overall expression, so Anders had quickly dropped it.)

There was silence for a few moments. Anders decided he should probably break it, since Mitchell didn’t seem to have any plans of doing so.

“There wasn’t any reason to hide that from me,” he said.

Mitchell grunted. “Well, I wouldn’t usually say that stuff to you. Didn’t know how you’d take it.” He picked at the wool of his gloves.

“It’s flattering, if anything,” Anders said, keeping his voice light. He didn’t want Mitchell to think he was making fun. “And maybe I don’t say it all the time, but you know I love you too.” He came to sit next to him on the sofa.

Mitchell finally looked somewhat relaxed. “I feel like I’m about to disintegrate,” he said. “I’ve been so worried all day, and I didn’t even know if that letter would  _work_  if I forgot you, and just… fuck.” He let out a frustrated noise. “Fuck! I’m still so wound up and I don’t even know why!” He leaned sideways, pushing against Anders. He scowled. “And fuck you for worrying me so much. This had better never happen again.”

Anders snorted. “Yeah, I did it all deliberately just to freak you out.”

“I knew it.”

Anders actually laughed at that, and Mitchell reluctantly gave a quiet laugh too.

“It won’t happen again,” Anders said. “In fact, our lives should be a bit simpler now. We’re both human, after all.”

“Still got your batshit family to deal with.”

“Ah, my batshit  _mortal_  family. One less issue to get past there. And you can mope with Olaf if you want, he’s never had to deal with mortality before either.”

Mitchell straightened up a little, looking Anders in the eye. “I don’t want to mope about this. I never let myself think about it because I didn’t think it was possible, but this is a good thing. I _want_  to be mortal. I can feel the difference already. I don’t feel like a monster anymore.”

“You were never a monster.”

“You probably wouldn’t say that if you had a more complete knowledge of what I’ve done, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“So,” Anders said briskly, swallowing his pride (because normally he wouldn’t ask for this, but maybe he felt a little like he was going disintegrate too), “what was that you said before we came inside? Something about holding me for a while?”

“I would be  _more_  than happy to follow through with that now,” Mitchell replied, drawing Anders closer and shutting his eyes.

This was exactly what he’d always wanted, and exactly what he’d always thought he could never have.

He didn’t think he’d ever been happier, and he knew that he’d do whatever he could for the rest of his life to make sure Anders was this happy too.


End file.
